I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
