Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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