So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
