Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
