I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
