i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
