I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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