well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
