i will never coherently bang her
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
