While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
