Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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