We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
