I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize