I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
