Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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