I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
