Banned from zoo.
Again?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
