You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
