I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
