24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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