Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
