I will die if light touches me.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
