I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
