if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
