Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
