I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
