I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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