Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
she peed on how many people?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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