what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
