thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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