just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize