Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
