Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
