I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
