bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
