I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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