im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
