So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He kissed a someone with a penis
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
