Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
