nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
