Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
