Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize