why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Panties = found
Randomize
