That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
