worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
