Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
