He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
