I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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