Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
