im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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