Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
