she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
