highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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