What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
There r osticjed everywhere
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Also, beer. Big fan.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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