Sry I called you an 8
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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