I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
