Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
