i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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