My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize