im about as happy as oj after his trial
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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