My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
