we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
