She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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