The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
