grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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