just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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