but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
