i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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