my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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