I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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