Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
