so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
