Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
