A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
