Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
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