people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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