I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize