I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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