i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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