Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
