what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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