I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize