I'm drive I can fine osifer
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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