IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
