my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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