I hate your face
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
