Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
