how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
