how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
