Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
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