Sry I called you an 8
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
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