You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
