Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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