Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
