Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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