you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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