I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
