so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
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