Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
