Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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