Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
