so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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